for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
