There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sober January is a disaster.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
where are my eyebrows?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
