Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize