five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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