Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
