Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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