eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
