just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
