Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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