everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
