dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
