He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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