I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
