he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
