Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
