You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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