i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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