Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
