I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
