i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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