Im at strip club and am horny
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
