I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
