ugly people sure do ruin things
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
