god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
