Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
