You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
