You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
