My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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