Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
