Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
