I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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