She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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