i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
