I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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