if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
