We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
