Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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