she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
