So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
