and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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