return my video game
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
