this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
