just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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