I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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