If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize