I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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