yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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