i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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