Umm I'm too high to move.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Non-Jews are for practice
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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