she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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