and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
