do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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