Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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