Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
