weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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