I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
