Nicole vs. Life
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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