Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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