I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I bet he comes in French.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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