Who wears a wallet chain?!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
