i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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