Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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