Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
