The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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